And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
