I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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