First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
