we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
