please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
