at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And then my night got REAL pukey
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
