Yo dont text me then not text me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
