Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
