i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
