so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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