ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
