Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
