o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need to sanitize my soul.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
