Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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