yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
