i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I intend to get homeless drunk
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
