You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
