Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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