are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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