In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
