Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
