Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Pooping to opera.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
