I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
