I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
