I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
