you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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