he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
