how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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