Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
