this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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