Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
