Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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