Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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