Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
