I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
