I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
