he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
