Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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