The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
