I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
