It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
