Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize