Nicole vs. Life
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
