If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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