Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
