One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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