I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
