i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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