What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were trust falling into bushes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
