i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
