I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
