my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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